Monday, January 9, 2012

Letting out some bottled thoughts.

If someone would have told me this is where I would be at 23, I wouldn't have believed them. I thought for sure I would not be married this young. I would have lived out of the country or done something spectacular with my life before marriage. If I allow myself to be really honest, I find myself day dreaming about it. What if I did move to London and go on that internship? What if I did continue to date what's his name just a little bit longer? What if I moved back to Atlanta that one summer? What if I wasn't such an idiot in high school, how different would things have turned out? As enticing as all these different scenarios seem for that brief moment, all my thoughts lead back to Miles. No matter how different my life could have turned out, the thought of not being with him seems almost impossible now. Maybe I was a little naiveté when getting married but I thought your past and the dreams you once had just sort of disappeared because all you needed was that one person and that's all you were going to think about all day. To my surprise, when you get back from your honeymoon and life moves on, you are still the exact same person. SHOCKING! After 8 months of marriage, I feel like I am yearning for that balance. Miles hangs out with friends and plays sports and has his own hobbies and I find myself at home waiting for him. I would even get upset that he didn't want to spend every second with me. (I know, I am rolling my eyes at myself.) I am  making the decision to come back to me, myself and I. For some reason, today after leaving my real job and driving down to the University of Utah to attend my class, I realized how much I missed myself and feeling accomplished. I have spent tons of money on scrap booking and have yet to do it, I have a list of friends I am dying to see and a workout plan that my body could definitely use. There are so many things I want to try and I just have become such a homebody, daydreaming about things. (and watching ALOT of How I Met Your Mother).

 As I was driving home tonight from the U, I passed my old town home in Sugarhouse where I used to live with room mates. I was overwhelmed with happiness as I kept driving and headed home to Lehi. As I find this new balance in my life, I realize that I have the best of both worlds. I get to be myself, have my hobbies, accomplish all the things I want out of life and still come home to the cutest boy in the world.

I will still do spectacular things, I just don't have to do them alone now.


Soundtrack to my post:


  1. Aww I loved this! I think you are just amazing. I need to do the same as you, finding that balance in life is key. You and I are one in the same chika!
    Lets find a balance of seeing more of each other too!! :)

  2. Emma, I'm not sure if you know me, but I worked with you at contacts, and I also grew up with Miles and Nick and Dan and Matt... I may seem like somewhat of a stalker, I know.
    But I just wanted to say that I'm pretty sure 99% of girls experience this feeling after marriage. I know that I did, although my realization was a little different than yours, because alas, we have different stories.
    Anyway... tell Miles hi! Haha!

  3. Hey Tracee! Thank you for commenting. It makes me feel better knowing that it's normal to feel that way. Miles would probably call me a stalker with how much I am on Facebook and reading people's blogs but that's what they are there for, right? I will tell him you said hello. I hope all is well!

  4. Hey, I want to watch that show with you! Sounds very intriguing and I might learn your deep thoughts about me! ha.ha. AnnMarien and I will scrapbook with you and hang out. I'LL HANG OUT WITH YOU WHEN Miles is off doing the guy thing. In fact, I have tons of stuff of Miles' childhood that needs to be put in a book. Let's do it together.
    Love you! - Marianne D